Navigating the Holidays-Less IS More
It’s hard to believe that Thanksgiving 2023 has come and gone. Interestingly, many of my clients and family members seem to be saying the same thing, “It came and went so fast, and it felt weirdly different.” I cannot speak for everyone but is seems like it is more than a coincidence. If you’re a student of the human mind and behavior, you might be curious as I am the perceptual shift in time. You may also want to know why so much uptick of depression and anxiety during the holiday season instead of all exciting anticipation and joy. This article helps to illuminate and maybe even normalize if you are just “not feeling it” this holiday season and some ideas that may help.
The holiday season has different meanings for individuals and what can be expected to be a time of giving, joy, family, abundance, and peace is not so for all. National marketing blitzes are at an all-time high, promising that if you make the purchase that your life will be better; after all, what you have and who you are is not enough. American minds are strongly conditioned to make purchases, with children screaming the loudest from the rooftops. Adults are not far behind and feel strongly compelled to give and to receive. Shopping anxiety and expectations for the perfect Christmas come on strongly especially after the Thanksgiving holiday, giving way to the Amazon one-click and next day deliveries. There is no longer a surprise to learn that someone has physically assaulted and maybe even killed another over the last hot-ticket item on the shelf in the overcrowded store. Surely, the growing emphasis on market capitalism during the holiday, is fueled by an insatiable need for more, and simultaneously, a statistical increase in anxiety and depression. Like a sexual climax, we experience a night and day of performed bliss called Christmas eve and Christmas day, only to experience days of deflation and boredom afterwards. We mostly forget the traditional meaning of the holiday, peace, love, gratitude, connection, reflection, and a reverence for spiritual matters. This, we need more of material things we do not.
Reflecting upon my life and our family history I realize that it was at the times that we had much less that we were happier. We had each other, connection, gratitude, and we gave more to others. The simplicity of the holiday was the gift, experiencing the truer meaning of the time. In essence, we became more mindful, more aware, and present in the moment. Not caught up in the frenzy of expectation and guilt, we had more peace. Our gift giving became less, but more meaningful and received with deeper gratitude.
Intentionality around spending quality time with family and friends deepened our human and spiritual connection. Live interaction was key; good conversation, playing games, eating meals, getting out in nature, not just watching movies together. We call this “face-to-face time” versus “shoulder-to-shoulder time.”
Boundaries around the gift expenses were made clear, especially with our young daughter, who like most American children wait in anticipation like a hungry wolf to devour their desired toy or entertainment, only to abandon it to the corner of their room after a short while. What we discovered over time, what our daughter cherished more the interaction with others, the demonstrations of love and giving, humorous conversation, the playing of games, and the actions and reminders of the “reason for the season.” This experience is what creates positive and lasting memories that anchor into one’s life narrative and soul.
Giving to others less fortunate forced us to get out of our selfishness and need for want. Intrinsically, we felt good about this and learned more about compassion and gratitude. Making sandwiches for and giving out warm unused clothes to the homeless was just one activity. Care packages sent overseas to our men and women in uniform was another. The real gift was love, care, and the message that the others mattered.
For some, the holiday season brings strong emotional triggers, caused by painful memories of trauma, loss, abandonment, poverty, and family conflicts of all types. The body and mind can keep these feelings and memories buried. It is important to share these thoughts and feelings with trusted others and accept them as a normal part of the holiday experience, alongside other positive thoughts, and feelings.
It is not too late to change course and adopt these ideas into your holiday experience, and most importantly, decrease your anxiety and depression.
1. Practice mindfulness as a family. Deconditioning of the mind around constant desire and pleasure. Don’t get hypnotized by the holiday marketing hype.
2. Spread compassion and gratitude through giving to those who have less or struggling with their own suffering. Get out of yourself.
3. Intentional time spent in-person with family and friends, focusing on “face-to-face time”, emphasizing real connection.
4. Setting healthy boundaries around gifting. Less is more!
5. Connecting with nature and the spiritual aspects of the holidays, establishing lasting traditions and positive memories.
6. Becoming more aware of and accepting of negative emotional triggers, letting go of guilt, anxiety, and depression, realizing these feelings will pass.
7. Choose to have a different and improved experience this holiday season.
Peace, gratitude, & happy holidays
David